The Cost

It never occurred to me that going to India would cost me something emotionally. Saying good-bye to my friends and family is something that you just accept. It will hurt but it's inevitable. But this last week I had to give up my puppy Gretta. I knew that I would have to leave her behind and I would miss her but circumstances changed and I had to let her go 7 months early. The two weeks leading up to her leaving, were emotional and difficult. I picked her out of 9 other cute, snuggle puppy and chose her @ 2 1/2 weeks old. I prepared for her, picked her name, brought her home, cared for her and loved her for 10 months. During the long, horrible, depressing winter she was my joy. She never rejected me in my crabby moods. She just wagged her tail and waited for me to play with her. She was a good friend to me. Not to mention cute and adorable.

But now she's gone with another family who will love her and give her everything she needs. My heart is broken but I know that it was the right thing to do.

So India is starting to cost me something. I never thought it would. My... was I naive. Because I love India so much I just assumed that it would be easy to go and leave people and things behind. Not so much. This is painful. I'm packing up pieces of my life and sending them to other people. I'm giving things away that I love because I can't take them with me. This is costing me something.

Going to India is a huge leap of faith. There's no security there for me. I'm going to a place where people know who I am but they don't know ME. It's exciting to think about the new relationships that will be built, but all the comforts of home and relationships that I can lean on will not be there. I won't know how to cope with that until I get there, but I need to realize that I will have times when I'm lonely and want the comforts of home. I hope that I can do this. I hope that I can be the person I know I am and be confident. I'm scared and unsure of how it will be but I have to trust that God knows what he's doing with me. This is all him. I wouldn't be making any of these decisions if I didn't know that I had a green light from God too. I will learn so much and transform into the person that I'm trying to be all the time. I hope I have enough grace to see me through.

In the end, my dream of India is costing me more than I anticipated. I believe it's worth it.

February seems so faaaar away!

My visa returned to me in record timing!!!! (Yes. I did stare at it with a stupid grin on my face for several minutes...a few times a day for the first week. I even showed it off to people.) So now I have permission to enter the country any time I want for the next 10 years! Sweet!
Now the trick is to try and have patience until the day comes that I can get on the plane and fly fly away. No that I'm trying to escape life in Madison or anything dramatic like that, but I'm just anxious and excited to finally be doing something that I've dreamed about for so long. It's like (I imagine) what it feels like for an engaged couple to wait for the long awaited wedding day. It feels like it's never going to come and then before you know it, it's here! I'm hoping the next 8 & 1/2 months go fast but not too fast.
I caught myself walking through the grocery store thinking that this is my last Wisconsin Spring for the next two years of my life. I know that I was being dramatic and I'm really OK with that! But more than the grocery store, I've noticed myself thinking about my relationships with people more. I keep thinking that I really need to make sure that I'm taking advantage of every opportunity to be with the people I love. Besides, I'm always up for a good laugh & martini. So without badgering me too much, make sure that I'm building my relationship with you so when I am in India, I won't look back at what I didn't have. Instead I'll be reminiscing on what I did have.

I promise (not that this is read by millions of fans) to write about more than just India. Maybe.

Va Va Va Visa!

Today was the first day that I spent real money on my future in India. Everything until now has just been planning and talking. Today, my friends, I handed out real cash to the wonderful visa people at the India Consualte in Chicago. It was a day of running all over the city to the DMV-which we all love SO much. Then it was off to the bank for the money order and copies, then it was to Walgreens for photos (which were not attractive I tell you!) (And since when does it take 1 hour to process passport photos?!! The sign says "Passport photos while you wait" Who hangs out in Walgreens for an hour?! Really.) Then it was on the UPS store to secure all the very important paper work in the little envelope and send it on its way. Tracking number in hand I walk out the door with a great deal of excitment that my journey has yet another milestone. Now I wait and pray that everything will return to me in the 5-10 business days as promised. And if it doesn't...oh, we can't even talk about that level of irritation!

India Baby!

India! The dream is becoming a reality! After 3 years of waiting and crying and fighting and yelling and finally letting go... Im going back to India. Details are being worked out but I'm going! More to come.

ummmm.......