Processing...

I have this constant thought running around in my head all the time. "India. I'm leaving for India on 6 months." 190 days to be exact. Geez. It feels like such a short amount of time to get my head & heart prepared for what's ahead of me. I think I put a lot of it off because I just don't know what to expect. I hope that whatever expectations I do have aren't too high. I know that as soon as the dust settles in Chennai and I'm living there and the rose colored glasses have come off, then I'll know if my expectations are too high. I'm hoping & praying for my transition to be quick. I don't want to hit the ground running but I would like it if the culture shock & adjusting to a new life will happen in a way that I won't even notice. I think of what it might be like to sleep with the sound of the streets there. I haven't done that before. I've always been in the very comfortable space of the hotel. I've never had to buy my own food there. I've never had to buy anything to survive on there. So there are lots of unknowns to me. But all of the unknowns are things that I will have to figure out.

The typical American life doesn't appeal to me. I appreciate the people who love the American life and want to make a home here, but it just isn't for me. It's hard to comprehend how someone can just want to stay here. And I know there is a flip side to this as well. A lot of people can't understand why I need to leave everything and go to a place completely foreign. Why do I need to sacrifice my life here for one that is so unknown? The only way I can explain that is this; staying here is the sacrifice. Not following after this dream is the sacrifice. Letting it all slip away because of a little fear is not worth it. I don't know how it's all going to work out. I don't know what's going to happen 3 months into it or 2 years into it. I don't know anything except that God is getting me there and he'll take care of me too. If I come home, I come home. He's the planner, not me. I just have to follow and leave my hands off it. Is it easy? HELL NO! I want to put my hands all over it and try to control all of it. But I can't and I remind myself of that every day.

I fight packing up my things and living out of boxes every day. I'm so ready to go and get this thing started but I have this time here for a reason. I need to make the time to get my heart ready to leave my family & friends. I can leave places anytime & not miss it, but it's the people I have a hard time leaving. My relationships are what I have to carry with me and remind me of when I have tough days. I hope I adjust to those changes as well.

So much...