Pink is the new black!

It's been some time since I've sat down and planted some words here. In fact, its been a long time since I've planted words any where! The past year of my life has been anything but a lovely road of beautiful wandering and mystic pondering. It has been a year of rocky terrain, steep tumbles, bruises, deep wounds and even a few to-the-bone gashes. I had fallen so far from the woman I was. A woman who knew where she was headed, what she wanted and where her strength came from. Instead I became a woman who tossed all of where she was headed into the ditch. A woman who had no clue what she wanted, other than to feel something other than alone and disappointment in herself. And certainly a woman who knew where her strength came from, but didn't care in the slightest about holding that giant hand again. It has been a year a of tar and thick smoke slowly suffocating the once pink lungs.
But, through the prayers of people and the angry nights of crying and demanding answers, I have come back to the place of being able to take deep breaths of clean, refreshing air. What was once a dark shade of gray has once again become a glistening pink. Brand new, in fact.
What I forgot about who God was in my stumbling in the hot, dry, desert was this...I was never alone. No matter how hard I shut those doors, I was not alone. I was in the hearts of people who had no clue how to reach me, but knew that I was in there somewhere. I thank those people who stuck with me. I thank those people who were good friends to me. I thank those people who "bled" for me at night in their secret places. I would not be where I am if it had not been for those ones crying out for me.
I have learned a lot about who I am in this winter season. I am not as strong as I thought I was. I was functioning in a deficit and didn't bother trying to fill it up again before "giving" again. All I wanted was to be known for a minute. I wanted to do something great and be this amazing person, but I had nothing to glean from. I had nothing to take with me and to offer to people. And I think in this round, I'm building slower and smarter. I'm taking the time to really be still and just breathe. I recognize the restlessness that rises in me and I remember that I ought not run before I learn to walk. Waiting has never been my strongest characteristic, but I am learning that I'm not in a rush. I have tasted the doings of "wanting what I want and I want it now" and it left me alone, hurt, confused, wounded and ultimately broken. So I slow down and I recognize the root of these things and I remember that I am not in a race to finish first, the goal is to finish in one piece with minimal battle scars. I have a new respect for boundaries and how important they really are to my heart. My heart is a pearl that is not to be tossed before swines. I am required to gather the foxes that ruin the vineyard. And sometimes gathering those foxes feels as though I'm literally prying the claws of a bear from their neck, but I pry and pull because it is my heart that I'm fighting for. My heart has been wounded in so many ways by others but when I see that the deepest gash was caused by the doings of my own hands, it shakes me to the core to see that I can have such disregard for my own heart that I would place it directly in the path of the bear with a side of honey. What a fool one can be when their heart is broken.
The pieces are mending and forgiveness is the suture.