The time finally came for us to take the giant leap of faith and move to Wyoming. Here we are! It's quiet, it's peaceful, it beautiful...and I don't know what to do with myself. Here we are and I don't know how to occupy my time. I should just give myself some time to adjust and relax but how do you do that? I mean really? I've been in such a mode of moving and packing and planning that I don't know how to relax. I think it'll come more natually to me as the "city" gets out of me more and more. I'm excited aobut learning life here. I'm looking forward to walking at a slower pace and taking in life a little more than just running from here to there all the time. I always think I'm the type to stop and smell the roses, but I'm really not! I'm so not. I used to be. What happened to that girl? I think she got lost on her journey and she's now been rerouted. I have my husband to help me along in this battle and he LOVES to stop and smell EVERYTHING. :) This is why we work I suppose. He likes to linger and I like to speed walk. Oh how opposite we are in that fashion. :)
As he was napping yesterday, I was looking at him and thinking of how happy his heart must be right now. This is home to him. He LOVES Wyoming with all that he has in him. He's been dreaming of moving here and creating a new life for himself for years and years. I hope this it's here that he finds that settle in his heart. I hope it's here that he discovers himself and becomes the man that he wants to be. I have all the faith in the world in him and I am anxiously awaiting the shedding of his cocoon. Here we are, Babe! A new beginning, a fresh start and nothing but moving forward from here on out.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Speechless
I sit in this place of not knowing how to receive God's favor. I stand in a place of receiving God's very promises but I do not know how to thank him for them. He provided to me the very thing that I wanted for the last 15 years. You gave me my Beloved. You did. You promised me many years ago that you would bring he and I together and it took many many years but you did it. you heard my hearts cry every night for years and you answered my petition. Abba Father, I do not know how to thank you for such an amazing gift. Let your name be exaulted in this beautiful union. I know this road will be long and with be filled with many uneasy times but I know that you will be with us. You have walked so faithfully with us both in the last 15 years. My faithful Savior you have been. Remind me to turn my eyes to you when times are tough and when I cannot see the path in front of us. Guide us both in this journey to keep your name Holy. You did not die for either one of us to walk this journey alone. light our path, keep our gazed fixed on you. Make my heart soft towards him and show me how to love him well. Show me what he needs from me to affirm him as a man, my husband, and a father. I want to put all of who I am in this journey and give it my heart. I have waited and stood in the gap for him for years and I am not about to give up now because I have him. I want this to be a marriage that turns the hearts of those that do not believe that there is a God who loves them and wants good things for them. I want others to see our love story but most of all I want them to see the ultimate love story between the Bride-groom and His Bride.
I look at my husband and I think to myself, I married Scott. I married Scott. I almost can't believe it myself. I married Scott. After all these years, I married Scott. Abba, help your daughter love him well. Sow into me the gifts of your love and show me how to love your son well. Tell me what he needs when he can't. Tell me how he's hurting and how I can comfort him when he needs me. Give me the right words to say to encourage him and make him feel respected and loved. Help me open my heart to him and allow him to love me fully.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Small and Significant
Fasting. Fasting is not my favorite thing to do. I don’t enjoy it at all. At least I don’t enjoy the temporal discomfort that you experience when fasting. But I realize that what small gesture I’m making, makes room for the heavens to move. What I do here effects the heavens and takes back what Satan is trying to steal. Most of the time we don’t see the results from our physical fasting but we know that in heaven, mountains are moving! We know that deep empty wells of pain are being filled again with clean, pure restoration. So for this reason I give up a basic need. If my minuet sacrifice gives way to the freedom of my loved one, then so be it! I will do whatever it is I need to do to make space. God has called me to be the gap girl. I stand in the gap for those who cannot stand alone. I am the conduit. I am the bridge. I am to wire which God’s grace and life can flow through. Use me Abba Father. Use me! Take my tiny sacrifice and use it! This is for your son. This is for your beloved son who looks out at the dry land in desperation. You are his water of life. You are his cool drink that quenches. You are what his sights shall find when he seeks for refuge. A beacon of hope, Abba. Only you have what he needs. I ask that you go to him. Make him aware of your love for him. Show him that you have been with him all this time. Show him that it is not too late to have the life you promised him. I have faith in you Father. I know that you have him in your hands. You hold him more delicately than his own mother could. You created him for so much more than this. FREEDOM!! Abba Father. Freedom. I declare freedom for this one. For your child. He has been covered by your blood and will not be stolen by the evil ways of the ultimate deceiver. You have staked your claim on this one. I stand and say NO! in the face of evil. Enough is enough! Now is the time for the chains to be broken. Now is the time for the cycle to end! Abba Father, in the name of your precious son, Jesus, I ask that you rescue this one from the snare of the evil one. HE has been bought and paid for. You have redeemed him. You have made him clean and pure. There is no shame in you.
Thank you for all that you have given that we may know your love. Thank you for never giving up on your son and daughter. We are your reward. You are my good father and friend.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Word baby!
I feel like I have my wings back. They have been clipped for entirely too long! I haven’t wanted to pick up a “pen” for months or really even in the last two years and now I get excited to to write about my passions and thoughts running around my head. It literally does something magical to my heart. Sweet bliss.
My favorite author, Jen Lancaster, said that writing is like a muscle and the more you use it the stronger it gets. And I had never really thought about it like that but it is absolutely true! It hurts a little in the beginning because it feels like your trying to squeeze your head through a fence and you’re just not supposed to do that! But then there’s a little bit of space made and then there’s room for words and thoughts and ideas and you swirl around in circles in your mind because you’re just so excited about all the possibilities that you can write about! Whew! I get excited just thinking about the endless opportunities I have to pour words onto a blank page and watch it grow and have a life of it’s own. Writing for a writer is like having a child. You nurture, care for, carefully watch and guide and then when it’s all grown up, you let it run free and hope that what you put in it will be taken care of. It is a piece of your heart after all.
So… here is where I will write and share my thoughts, dreams, ideas, adventures and anything else that should fall. Life is good!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Pink is the new black!
It's been some time since I've sat down and planted some words here. In fact, its been a long time since I've planted words any where! The past year of my life has been anything but a lovely road of beautiful wandering and mystic pondering. It has been a year of rocky terrain, steep tumbles, bruises, deep wounds and even a few to-the-bone gashes. I had fallen so far from the woman I was. A woman who knew where she was headed, what she wanted and where her strength came from. Instead I became a woman who tossed all of where she was headed into the ditch. A woman who had no clue what she wanted, other than to feel something other than alone and disappointment in herself. And certainly a woman who knew where her strength came from, but didn't care in the slightest about holding that giant hand again. It has been a year a of tar and thick smoke slowly suffocating the once pink lungs.
But, through the prayers of people and the angry nights of crying and demanding answers, I have come back to the place of being able to take deep breaths of clean, refreshing air. What was once a dark shade of gray has once again become a glistening pink. Brand new, in fact.
What I forgot about who God was in my stumbling in the hot, dry, desert was this...I was never alone. No matter how hard I shut those doors, I was not alone. I was in the hearts of people who had no clue how to reach me, but knew that I was in there somewhere. I thank those people who stuck with me. I thank those people who were good friends to me. I thank those people who "bled" for me at night in their secret places. I would not be where I am if it had not been for those ones crying out for me.
I have learned a lot about who I am in this winter season. I am not as strong as I thought I was. I was functioning in a deficit and didn't bother trying to fill it up again before "giving" again. All I wanted was to be known for a minute. I wanted to do something great and be this amazing person, but I had nothing to glean from. I had nothing to take with me and to offer to people. And I think in this round, I'm building slower and smarter. I'm taking the time to really be still and just breathe. I recognize the restlessness that rises in me and I remember that I ought not run before I learn to walk. Waiting has never been my strongest characteristic, but I am learning that I'm not in a rush. I have tasted the doings of "wanting what I want and I want it now" and it left me alone, hurt, confused, wounded and ultimately broken. So I slow down and I recognize the root of these things and I remember that I am not in a race to finish first, the goal is to finish in one piece with minimal battle scars. I have a new respect for boundaries and how important they really are to my heart. My heart is a pearl that is not to be tossed before swines. I am required to gather the foxes that ruin the vineyard. And sometimes gathering those foxes feels as though I'm literally prying the claws of a bear from their neck, but I pry and pull because it is my heart that I'm fighting for. My heart has been wounded in so many ways by others but when I see that the deepest gash was caused by the doings of my own hands, it shakes me to the core to see that I can have such disregard for my own heart that I would place it directly in the path of the bear with a side of honey. What a fool one can be when their heart is broken.
The pieces are mending and forgiveness is the suture.
But, through the prayers of people and the angry nights of crying and demanding answers, I have come back to the place of being able to take deep breaths of clean, refreshing air. What was once a dark shade of gray has once again become a glistening pink. Brand new, in fact.
What I forgot about who God was in my stumbling in the hot, dry, desert was this...I was never alone. No matter how hard I shut those doors, I was not alone. I was in the hearts of people who had no clue how to reach me, but knew that I was in there somewhere. I thank those people who stuck with me. I thank those people who were good friends to me. I thank those people who "bled" for me at night in their secret places. I would not be where I am if it had not been for those ones crying out for me.
I have learned a lot about who I am in this winter season. I am not as strong as I thought I was. I was functioning in a deficit and didn't bother trying to fill it up again before "giving" again. All I wanted was to be known for a minute. I wanted to do something great and be this amazing person, but I had nothing to glean from. I had nothing to take with me and to offer to people. And I think in this round, I'm building slower and smarter. I'm taking the time to really be still and just breathe. I recognize the restlessness that rises in me and I remember that I ought not run before I learn to walk. Waiting has never been my strongest characteristic, but I am learning that I'm not in a rush. I have tasted the doings of "wanting what I want and I want it now" and it left me alone, hurt, confused, wounded and ultimately broken. So I slow down and I recognize the root of these things and I remember that I am not in a race to finish first, the goal is to finish in one piece with minimal battle scars. I have a new respect for boundaries and how important they really are to my heart. My heart is a pearl that is not to be tossed before swines. I am required to gather the foxes that ruin the vineyard. And sometimes gathering those foxes feels as though I'm literally prying the claws of a bear from their neck, but I pry and pull because it is my heart that I'm fighting for. My heart has been wounded in so many ways by others but when I see that the deepest gash was caused by the doings of my own hands, it shakes me to the core to see that I can have such disregard for my own heart that I would place it directly in the path of the bear with a side of honey. What a fool one can be when their heart is broken.
The pieces are mending and forgiveness is the suture.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Full Circle
Late night reading always gets me into trouble. I start looking at old emails and it stirs the emotional pot and the outcome is never predictable. I was looking at emails sent and received during the India departure decision and the immediate landing and what came over me was a sense of nonrecognition. Even reading the conversations had while in India, I do not know that woman who wrote to those people. I don't believe she's long gone, but I don't know how much of her came home. Don't get me wrong, there are pieces of her that I'm happy to be rid of, but there are some that I wonder how long they'll be missing or if they'll return at all. Still the quest for truth stands alone in my late night observation. Truth in what I believe, truth in my identity, truth in the relationships that complete my circle and truth in where I'm standing. There are pieces of me that would like to apologize to those that I have alienated and pushed away. But by that same desire, I stand in the knowledge that I did not like who I was and I'm not willing to pick those pieces up and try to make them fit the broken picture frame. Most of what I refuse to pick up again is the denying of myself the space and permission to be broken and the 'mob' mentality. Christianity doesn't mean following the popular thing because everyone else is doing it. It doesn't mean riding every new train coming into town. To me, it's simplicity and truth. It's finding that space that makes the relationship between you and your creator intimate and unique.
June 29, 2011
I just ran into this post after a random look at old files. I almost winced at the sight of these words. Who was this woman who wrote this? What happened to her? Where did she get lost? And I can say this much; she survived the most intense two years of her life and is standing on the victorious banks of that raging river of life. These last two years have been anything but honoring and steadfast. I have made every mistake you can make when running away. Trying to cover scars that cannot be covered and can only be masked. I didn't want to rip the band-aid off the wounds that I had created. I didn't want to go down that path of yet another self discovering season. I wanted to feel better. I wanted results! I wanted tangible proof that I was alive. I grabbed every numbing agent I could get my hands on and it is only by the grace of God that I am standing here. And I AM standing here! The RD version of my time in India is this...it was not what I thought it was going to be. I was told that would be able to do things and I was not. I wasn't able to accomplish what I thought I was sent to do, but I went. I put my feet on the ground. I gave up everything to follow after God and I don't regret one single second. India is a part of my heart. It is in my veins and flows through me like an energy source. I cannot cut India from the fibers of my heart! I have been trying for two years to amputate this place from my life and I have been functioning as a wounded soldier. I have not worn my love for India as a badge upon my heart. I have not carried the faces of those I met with me every day. I think of them often, but I have allowed the etching to fade. But, it is beginning to come back. In the past few weeks, my heart has been reconciled and wounds have been healed and my heart has been repaired. Shame is not my name and I am not to wear its heavy cloak and hide the beauty that I have been given. My God is faithful, even when I am not. I pushed, shoved, slapped and yelled over the last two years and He took it all. He took the blame for what was not his. He didn't try to give me answers for the questions, he let me find my way...my way. I would stare him in the eyes and know that I was breaking his heart and I would apologize and continue on with my chosen sin or coping mechanism. And I would run to him and beg for forgivness and turn around and do it again. The cycle continued for too long and the damage done, although minimal, still haunts me. What kept me safe these past months is the solid truth that I am loved no matter what. It doesn't give me the right to continue my sins, which damage me more than I can even conceive. I know more than I know anything else, that I am loved and nothing can ever seperate me from that love.
So I've come full circle, it seems. Not completely unscathed, but I am far less damaged than I could have been if I wasn't covered in the grace and mercy of my creator.
I have allowed myself to dream about my life for the first time since I've come home. It feels good to have the wind blow through my soul again. I'm excited for the future and I am anxiously awaiting for the next adventure.
June 29, 2011
I just ran into this post after a random look at old files. I almost winced at the sight of these words. Who was this woman who wrote this? What happened to her? Where did she get lost? And I can say this much; she survived the most intense two years of her life and is standing on the victorious banks of that raging river of life. These last two years have been anything but honoring and steadfast. I have made every mistake you can make when running away. Trying to cover scars that cannot be covered and can only be masked. I didn't want to rip the band-aid off the wounds that I had created. I didn't want to go down that path of yet another self discovering season. I wanted to feel better. I wanted results! I wanted tangible proof that I was alive. I grabbed every numbing agent I could get my hands on and it is only by the grace of God that I am standing here. And I AM standing here! The RD version of my time in India is this...it was not what I thought it was going to be. I was told that would be able to do things and I was not. I wasn't able to accomplish what I thought I was sent to do, but I went. I put my feet on the ground. I gave up everything to follow after God and I don't regret one single second. India is a part of my heart. It is in my veins and flows through me like an energy source. I cannot cut India from the fibers of my heart! I have been trying for two years to amputate this place from my life and I have been functioning as a wounded soldier. I have not worn my love for India as a badge upon my heart. I have not carried the faces of those I met with me every day. I think of them often, but I have allowed the etching to fade. But, it is beginning to come back. In the past few weeks, my heart has been reconciled and wounds have been healed and my heart has been repaired. Shame is not my name and I am not to wear its heavy cloak and hide the beauty that I have been given. My God is faithful, even when I am not. I pushed, shoved, slapped and yelled over the last two years and He took it all. He took the blame for what was not his. He didn't try to give me answers for the questions, he let me find my way...my way. I would stare him in the eyes and know that I was breaking his heart and I would apologize and continue on with my chosen sin or coping mechanism. And I would run to him and beg for forgivness and turn around and do it again. The cycle continued for too long and the damage done, although minimal, still haunts me. What kept me safe these past months is the solid truth that I am loved no matter what. It doesn't give me the right to continue my sins, which damage me more than I can even conceive. I know more than I know anything else, that I am loved and nothing can ever seperate me from that love.
So I've come full circle, it seems. Not completely unscathed, but I am far less damaged than I could have been if I wasn't covered in the grace and mercy of my creator.
I have allowed myself to dream about my life for the first time since I've come home. It feels good to have the wind blow through my soul again. I'm excited for the future and I am anxiously awaiting for the next adventure.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Restless
Finding the ground of which I'm planted upon is shifting. Settling feels like settling and I've witnessed entirely too many people taking that route and being eternally miserable. I don't know what it looks like but I certainly haven't counted anything out. I do actually grow quite tired of this feeling appearing now and then. Being content feels like being complacent. Some days I wish I were able to just sit and be. And I do have moments of that, but there's this itch that won't be scratched in the core of who I am in this place of wondering. I was not built to live life as usual, so I guess in some ways I should stop looking for it. Such a double edged sword for me. A new place doesn't make the old one useless or dull. The new is just that, new. Exciting. It doesn't hold all the answers to happiness but it holds a mystery that may or may not be caught. Are we to always just wonder about these new places and never actually behold them? Are those of us who are restless deemed flighty and non-committal? I don't believe that a constant rediscovering of who we are is a "mid-life crisis". I think it's actually planted in us from conception to be a constant movement of wondering. To want more, discover more, love more, always be more. Reaching the finish line isn't the goal. It's the journey of which we are on to finding that "more".
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Dumbfounded
Life takes interesting twists and turns. The last thing I should be saying is that I doubted that God actually answered prayers, but I really did. Not that I doubted his ability to do it, it's just that my prayers are generally so off that I miss the mark by 1000 feet. Someone pinch me because I think God is actually answering prayers in my life. And not the little prayers. I'm talking the big guns. The one's that you keep close to your heart and never really let go of. But if he's not answering them the way I thought he would or is, then I still believe in his goodness and faithfulness. Just because my prayer isn't answered in the exact way I thought it should be doesn't make him any less faithful or good. He doesn't even have to answer my prayers, ever, in order for me to believe these things. He's good. Always working for his daughters best interest at heart. He knew that I was strong enough to climb the mountains that he placed in front of me. He knew that it was going to hurt like hell but that I would, at some point, stand at the top and look at what we've accomplished and be proud. I am a different person because of all the things that I've had to struggle with over the years. But never once did I think that things would circle around again. I hoped, but I never really thought it. Here I am, possibly looking at a long lost dream coming true and I'm dumbfounded. Are my hands out to receive them freely or am I holding back because I'm afraid to try again? Can you do both? Can you try and receive it freely and still guard your heart and still be able to give pieces of yourself because you know that it takes your being vulnerable to open the door? Where's the line? Where's the safe zone? Am I being asked to take a few steps out of that zone in order to see my dream come true? If I did it once, I can do it again. Right? This time, with a better perspective.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Defined
There's this place in my heart that has been shut off for so long and I'm on the verge of opening it up. I'm not sure that I want to open it but there is an undeniable tug that tells me that I'm no longer able to run in the other direction. What lies on the other side of this wall in my heart? I think that's what I'm afraid of. I'm not sure of who is on the other side of this wall.
A few weeks ago I was unpacking my boxes of books and placing them on my bookshelves. One by one I looked at these books that had somehow shaped me into the person I was before I left for India. Someone who was strong in her faith. A woman confident in her relationship with Christ. Someone who had so many things to offer others in her community and across the world. Or so I thought. As I was putting these books away I started to see that I no longer was able to relate to these titles sitting on my shelves. Who I thought I was as a "Christian" has changed 100%. I am no longer convinced that I loved Jesus the way I thought I did just a few months ago. I'm not even certain that I loved him the way I thought I did all these years. Yet, I know that I am safe in him. I love him, but I don't love him the way I thought I had. None of this is a secret to Jesus, of course. He has been well aware of my broken heart this whole time and yet he has stayed true to love me as though I have loved him the way I said I did. While looking at these books and wrestling with the feelings of loss of India, I stood broken-hearted and lost. It occurs to me that I am not who I thought I was and did not return from India with the ability to just live life as usual. I don't know what life is suppose to look like on this side of knowledge, but I can tell you that they way it was lived before will not satisfy. This doesn't mean that I'm going to bury my head in the world of "Christianity" and get lost in the new fads and join the next big thing. The last thing that I want to do is get involved in something that will only allow myself to define my identity in it and not in the one place that it can be defined. It means that I'm not going to follow suit. I'm not going to allow someone elses bullshit to tell me what it means or looks like to be a Christian. The idea of what it looks like to love Christ has been so distorted over the years and I'm tired of it looking like a cookie-cutter. In my search of an authentic relationship, I expect to find myself in a vast desert. I'm not in the search of a new "me" but I am looking for a "real me". One that I can relate to and isn't fooling herself as to the depth of her relationship with her creator. More importantly, someone who is not defined by the hopes and dreams in her heart, but defined by the knowledge of being a daughter.
A few weeks ago I was unpacking my boxes of books and placing them on my bookshelves. One by one I looked at these books that had somehow shaped me into the person I was before I left for India. Someone who was strong in her faith. A woman confident in her relationship with Christ. Someone who had so many things to offer others in her community and across the world. Or so I thought. As I was putting these books away I started to see that I no longer was able to relate to these titles sitting on my shelves. Who I thought I was as a "Christian" has changed 100%. I am no longer convinced that I loved Jesus the way I thought I did just a few months ago. I'm not even certain that I loved him the way I thought I did all these years. Yet, I know that I am safe in him. I love him, but I don't love him the way I thought I had. None of this is a secret to Jesus, of course. He has been well aware of my broken heart this whole time and yet he has stayed true to love me as though I have loved him the way I said I did. While looking at these books and wrestling with the feelings of loss of India, I stood broken-hearted and lost. It occurs to me that I am not who I thought I was and did not return from India with the ability to just live life as usual. I don't know what life is suppose to look like on this side of knowledge, but I can tell you that they way it was lived before will not satisfy. This doesn't mean that I'm going to bury my head in the world of "Christianity" and get lost in the new fads and join the next big thing. The last thing that I want to do is get involved in something that will only allow myself to define my identity in it and not in the one place that it can be defined. It means that I'm not going to follow suit. I'm not going to allow someone elses bullshit to tell me what it means or looks like to be a Christian. The idea of what it looks like to love Christ has been so distorted over the years and I'm tired of it looking like a cookie-cutter. In my search of an authentic relationship, I expect to find myself in a vast desert. I'm not in the search of a new "me" but I am looking for a "real me". One that I can relate to and isn't fooling herself as to the depth of her relationship with her creator. More importantly, someone who is not defined by the hopes and dreams in her heart, but defined by the knowledge of being a daughter.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
One day...
Time heals all wounds, right? I haven't taken a lot of time to sit and figure out what my returning to WI really means. Sometimes I think it means more than it ought and then there are times that I think that it should mean more than what I'm allowing it to be. The 4 weeks that I've been "home" I have missed India more and more every day. I LOVE that country. I could have lived there for the rest of my days, if I had only felt that I had a purpose there. If I had only felt that I had the grace to do it. I had to go and learn about myself and the higher than normal expectations I place on things to equal my life's meaning. I learned that things done in another country are not more noble than the things done in one's own country. And as I was being driven through the city on the way to the airport, I was looking out the window at my dream and here I was leaving it. Tears streamed down my face as it made no sense to me that I had to give up something that I craved for so long. What I thought I was going to India for, turns out to not be what I was there for. Another person, place or thing does not equal a purpose.
Home feels good and the future feels free. All in all, I'm happy with what I accomplished in myself. I look to my beautiful creator to make sense of it all in due time. I'm in no hurry to move on to the next "big thing" and I'm enjoying the rest. The past year has been quite the intense ride and I'm ready to get off for a while. I know there are things in my future that God has yet to show me and I look forward to them one day, but today is not that day.
Home feels good and the future feels free. All in all, I'm happy with what I accomplished in myself. I look to my beautiful creator to make sense of it all in due time. I'm in no hurry to move on to the next "big thing" and I'm enjoying the rest. The past year has been quite the intense ride and I'm ready to get off for a while. I know there are things in my future that God has yet to show me and I look forward to them one day, but today is not that day.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Semi-Sweet
This day, has actually come. Today I made the decision to leave Chennai and travel back to Madison. Nothing really makes any sense at the moment. Nothing but this one thing; I believe I ran as fast as I could into the arms of Jesus and they brought me to Chennai. It's those same arms that are taking me home. I gave all of myself to this dream and I made it. I made it to Chennai, India and I made it my home. I didn't do it all perfectly; I made more than my fair share of mistakes. This is a very bitter sweet day. I love India. I really love it, but this isn't it. Chennai didn't hold the golden ticket to my happiness. Madison doesn't hold it either. I hold the ticket to my happiness and I have to stop trying to find it outside of who God created me to be. I have all of it inside of me and it's not this thing or that thing. It's me.
I'm thankful for grace and love. I have faith that this too will make sense some day.
I'm thankful for grace and love. I have faith that this too will make sense some day.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Justice & Hope
Again with the over emotional ride though the city. From where I'm staying this week to the office, it takes about an hour to get there. Traffic is horrible, but it always is here. Maybe I'm just super tired since I was woken up @ 1:30 this morning by the street dogs outside howling at who knows what! I have 3 dogs that I'm watching and when the street dogs are freaking out, my dogs are freaking out. This went on for about an hour and just when I would drift back to sleep the howling would begin again. And really, who can you be mad at? They're dogs doing just what dogs do; bark at things. Finally I got some to sleep again with all 3 of my giant furry friends kindly tucking me in from every side. Thank God for coffee is what I'm saying!
Any way...I was sitting in the car with Elango, who I adore, and we're making our way to the other side of the city. I'm watching out the windows like I always do because there's ALWAYS something going on. But today I found myself fighting back the tears. I so didn't want to explain to Elango that I was crying because my heart was broken because of what I see every single day. I know this is life here. I know that people are happy and don't need my pity. I know that they don't need our American ways to be happy because it obviously isn't working so well for us either. But there's this piece in my heart that just screams at the injustice of it all. I can't take pictures in the street because it feels like I'm mocking them. I don't want people to look at pictures of what I see every day and feel like I did something wonderful. I'm not doing anything wonderful. I'm am trying to live outside of myself in a land I can't even begin to understand. I'm trying to love someone, anyone, in simple ways. I'm not solving any world problems here, I'm working with a church who is trying to making a difference. I'm supporting a women's group whose vision is so large that you can't see around the whole thing. God didn't ask me to come here so I could do this big wonderful ministry. He asked me to come to get out of myself. To be stretched. To be humbled. To be shaken by things that my heart tells me are wrong. He sees his people here and he is overwhelmed with joy and love for them. They don't see him at all but he sees them.
I don't know that I'll be able to "do" anything here but I can tell you that my heart, if it survives, will have grown so much for a God whose heart is broken for the injustice that happens here. My eyes can only see so much of what he shows me or asks me to see. I can't imagine what the creator of all, sees in this place. My heart is broken and I feel helpless. I feel like I have the tools but I don't know where to dig. I would be happy not "doing" anything here that actually produced a result. I'm OK with planting seeds here and building relationships. My American mindset tells me that I need to justify the money that was given to me to come here by producing something, anything. But then am I ignoring what I'm really to be doing here? Am I missing the big picture if I'm so busy doing? I think so. Missionaries (which I don't like being called) don't just come for a season and then they're done. It's a life long commitment even if they're not living in the country. I don't know what's next on God's list of things to do with me, living in India may or may not be one of them. But my heart will always be tied here. It will always hope for the best for his people. I will never cease to ask for justice in this place.
Any way...I was sitting in the car with Elango, who I adore, and we're making our way to the other side of the city. I'm watching out the windows like I always do because there's ALWAYS something going on. But today I found myself fighting back the tears. I so didn't want to explain to Elango that I was crying because my heart was broken because of what I see every single day. I know this is life here. I know that people are happy and don't need my pity. I know that they don't need our American ways to be happy because it obviously isn't working so well for us either. But there's this piece in my heart that just screams at the injustice of it all. I can't take pictures in the street because it feels like I'm mocking them. I don't want people to look at pictures of what I see every day and feel like I did something wonderful. I'm not doing anything wonderful. I'm am trying to live outside of myself in a land I can't even begin to understand. I'm trying to love someone, anyone, in simple ways. I'm not solving any world problems here, I'm working with a church who is trying to making a difference. I'm supporting a women's group whose vision is so large that you can't see around the whole thing. God didn't ask me to come here so I could do this big wonderful ministry. He asked me to come to get out of myself. To be stretched. To be humbled. To be shaken by things that my heart tells me are wrong. He sees his people here and he is overwhelmed with joy and love for them. They don't see him at all but he sees them.
I don't know that I'll be able to "do" anything here but I can tell you that my heart, if it survives, will have grown so much for a God whose heart is broken for the injustice that happens here. My eyes can only see so much of what he shows me or asks me to see. I can't imagine what the creator of all, sees in this place. My heart is broken and I feel helpless. I feel like I have the tools but I don't know where to dig. I would be happy not "doing" anything here that actually produced a result. I'm OK with planting seeds here and building relationships. My American mindset tells me that I need to justify the money that was given to me to come here by producing something, anything. But then am I ignoring what I'm really to be doing here? Am I missing the big picture if I'm so busy doing? I think so. Missionaries (which I don't like being called) don't just come for a season and then they're done. It's a life long commitment even if they're not living in the country. I don't know what's next on God's list of things to do with me, living in India may or may not be one of them. But my heart will always be tied here. It will always hope for the best for his people. I will never cease to ask for justice in this place.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Simple tea
I'm house sitting for some friends this week and I have been struggling to adjust to the way they live. Not that they live horrible lives but they have a maid who cooks, cleans, does the shopping and the laundry. It's so hard for me to allow her to wait on me like that! The other day she was cleaning and I was in my room reading and she brings me some tea. I was so happy with the tea but I just felt so bad that she was out there working away and I was relaxing. They also have a driver, which I love and hate. I love that I can get around and I don't have to negotiate with and auto driver, but again with the guilt! He waits for me while I go work in the office and he waits for me while I sit and have coffee. He waits outside the house until 6:00 while I'm inside reading or having tea or watching a movie. Ahhhh! It's so hard! I get that this is the culture and this is their job. But it feels like their job is to help me be lazy and like I really need help with that! Today when Elango, the driver, and I got home I tried to tell him that he could leave early but he stayed. I couldn't just let him sit out there reading his book or whatever he had with nothing, so I figured out how to make South Indian tea and took him a cup. His face alone was worth it. He just smiled at me while I tried to explain that I hoped it was good because it was my first time making Indian tea like that. I walked back into the house and I was just grinning from ear to ear. It made me so happy to be able to serve him in some small way. Tea is no big thing really, but hospitality is and that means a lot to Indians. It was just a cup of tea, nothing much at all, but it gave me such joy to be able to give back. I know it sounds simple but it made my entire day. If I do nothing more here than make tea for my driver, it was all worth it.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
What I see
I've recently done an inventory on the things that I have seen here. When getting used to a new place and it's surroundings, I generally block everything else out and focus on certain things like landmarks, road names, did we cross a bridge and then turn left, and such. I tend to be less observant of things happening in the street or to the people on the street. In the last week alone I've taken more time to broaden my view and really see what's going on around me. Every day I when I go the church office, I have to take an auto-rick and right outside my apartment complex is the road that will take me there, but in order for the auto to get to that road, he has to do a u-turn and they like to charge you extra for that. Even though the city is designed that way and they have to make u-turns all the time. So what I've found is that it's so much easier to cross the main road (Poonamalee High Road-for those of you who want to know!) and walk a little down Tailor's Rd which leads to the office eventually and catch an auto there. But sometimes it takes a while for an auto to come by so I walk until I see one. This I have found, is my favorite thing to do. I LOVE walking in the street in this new city of mine and being able to go at a slower pace. There are so many things packed into these small spaces and it does indeed take a walk in the street to see it all. But what I have also seen are the things that you hope to never see. I saw a man with leprosy on his hands and feet. He was begging for money and as we passed one another it took everything in me to keep walking. I've seen several men just asleep on the sidewalks. I've found myself wondering if they're alive as I stepped around them. I saw a man with his hands bound over his head and his feet bound as well. He was just laying there and people were just walking and driving by like he wasn't even there. I've seen too many babies crying for food and one too many starving street dogs. There has been one highlight on my daily walk home from the offices. Every day I walk past this open dirt field that is used by the local boys for playing Cricket. When I come up to the field I tend to slow down and just watch them for a split second. I like to see them having fun and I can just imagine the dreams some of them have about playing Cricket one day. It makes me smile the rest of the way home.
But today I encountered something that I've seen before and it never fails to strike my heart and I hurt. After church after we had had a little luncheon and there was a few left over wraps so I took one so I would have something for dinner. I was being driven home by a friend and we were stopped at the signal light and this girl maybe 11 0r 12 years old was holding this little child, no more than 3 and most likely younger, came up to our door and started knocking and then putting her fingers to her lips. And when it registered that they were asking for food, my friend looked for something to give them and all we had was the chicken wrap I had in my hand. Of course we gave it to them because they needed it so much more than I did. She took the wrap and just went over to the little median and sat down with her brother or sister and started devouring this wrap right there in the street. As common as this is, it broke me. As we pulled away I looked back at them and just sunk in my spirit a little. Their clothes were so dirty and they were so thin and they were alone. Aside from the obvious that it may have been a ploy to get food (who cares) they didn't even try to take the food and take it back anywhere. They sat down in the middle of the intersection and ate the food that a complete stranger had just handed them through a car window! There's just something so wrong about this! My home land is so full of useless things and here I am handing food to children, who have no one looking after them or providing for them, through a window! My heart hurts for them. It goes against everything that tells me the world is fair and good. The need is overwhelming. I know that it isn't my job to save them or to try and meet every need but how do I help just one? Just one enough to make a difference? Just one.
This city has so many good things and then sometimes I see just enough of the bad that make me forget about the good. I pray that my heart doesn't grow cold when the 150th man comes to me begging for money. I pray that I'm never able to turn a blind eye to the hungry child on the street corner. I pray that my heart will always be as compassionate for a country I do not understand and tries my character in every way.
In all that I see on my daily walk, I know that God is good. I know that He sees and hears the cries of his people. And he sends people like me who have nothing to offer but love to have their hearts awakened and shaken to beat again the way he designed it to beat. The question I ask myself today is, "How do I honor your name in this place? How do I show your love?" I am your hands and feet. I am walking in the streets with your beloved. I ask for nothing more than just one chance to show someone your beauty.
But today I encountered something that I've seen before and it never fails to strike my heart and I hurt. After church after we had had a little luncheon and there was a few left over wraps so I took one so I would have something for dinner. I was being driven home by a friend and we were stopped at the signal light and this girl maybe 11 0r 12 years old was holding this little child, no more than 3 and most likely younger, came up to our door and started knocking and then putting her fingers to her lips. And when it registered that they were asking for food, my friend looked for something to give them and all we had was the chicken wrap I had in my hand. Of course we gave it to them because they needed it so much more than I did. She took the wrap and just went over to the little median and sat down with her brother or sister and started devouring this wrap right there in the street. As common as this is, it broke me. As we pulled away I looked back at them and just sunk in my spirit a little. Their clothes were so dirty and they were so thin and they were alone. Aside from the obvious that it may have been a ploy to get food (who cares) they didn't even try to take the food and take it back anywhere. They sat down in the middle of the intersection and ate the food that a complete stranger had just handed them through a car window! There's just something so wrong about this! My home land is so full of useless things and here I am handing food to children, who have no one looking after them or providing for them, through a window! My heart hurts for them. It goes against everything that tells me the world is fair and good. The need is overwhelming. I know that it isn't my job to save them or to try and meet every need but how do I help just one? Just one enough to make a difference? Just one.
This city has so many good things and then sometimes I see just enough of the bad that make me forget about the good. I pray that my heart doesn't grow cold when the 150th man comes to me begging for money. I pray that I'm never able to turn a blind eye to the hungry child on the street corner. I pray that my heart will always be as compassionate for a country I do not understand and tries my character in every way.
In all that I see on my daily walk, I know that God is good. I know that He sees and hears the cries of his people. And he sends people like me who have nothing to offer but love to have their hearts awakened and shaken to beat again the way he designed it to beat. The question I ask myself today is, "How do I honor your name in this place? How do I show your love?" I am your hands and feet. I am walking in the streets with your beloved. I ask for nothing more than just one chance to show someone your beauty.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Internal process and more things I've learned in Chennai
India and I are learning to get along better. I have started to see that I had my armor on backwards so I wasn't fully protected. It's better now! Some days are harder than others but I didn't expect life to just be smooth sailing once I moved across the ocean. I just thought I would have been pretty prepared mentally right off the bat and this was not the case. Or at least I had forgotten to turn it on. Very important to turn it on.
So here's a bit my internal process and heart on my sleeve. This is what I've been thinking about the last few days and I'm quite shocked at my internal response.
So, what if God asked that I stay here? What if he made a way for my new home to be in Chennai? This is a realistic thought too. He gave me a green light for 6 months but he only shows me just enough of the picture so I'll trust in him and the rest he keeps for a little surprise later. So in my thinking on this I am able to say with a large percentage of certainty; yes, I could stay here and make India my home. Compared to my thoughts on this a week ago, this is a freaking miracle! There was no way that I could think about staying here another second, but it seems the air has changed. I know that in order for this to be the case, he has to have something up his sleeve for me to do. There is something here for me to take on and to learn from. He wouldn't ask me to stay under any other circumstances. He wouldn't place his daughter in a strange land and leave her empty handed. He doesn't work that way. He would have to show me that I have a purpose here and a reason to stay. If nothing were to change, I have no reason to stay. When August comes, I will have no reason to think that I would need to come back because I have nothing rooted here. But God can change that and provide a reason for me to stay or something to come back to. I don't know what it is or what it could be but I know that something is in the air and I'm waiting to see what he does. How knows what he's up to.
Some more things I have learned about Chennai.
-The auto driver will tell you to get out in the middle of the route if he doesn't think you're paying him enough.
-This is when you learn to pick your battles. And this was one I chose not to fight. Not over 5 cents my friend!
-The weirdest flavor of chips ever can indeed be found here! Mint? Really?
-Baskin Robbins is heaven on earth!
-The mosquito population has increased and found out where I lived!
-I will freak out when discovering a giant roach is sitting next to my head in the car.
-I will also climb out of any open car door to get away from said roach!!
-Eating with your fingers gets old...quick.
-Indian commercials are hysterical!
-Cricket is an interesting game and I DO NOT have the attention span to endure it. One match is 5 days long @ 6 hours a day?! Really?
-Laundry is an entire days work and I miss dryers!
-Wear shoes when hanging the laundry! My white feet are pretty sure you're asking them to walk on hot coals!
-Air conditioning is among the best inventions ever made by man!
-The security guy who blows his whistle and bangs his stick at 3AM is really doing it for your protection. Not to wake you up! Apparently.
-Finally...you do actually pray for rain and you can get too much of a good thing!
So here's a bit my internal process and heart on my sleeve. This is what I've been thinking about the last few days and I'm quite shocked at my internal response.
So, what if God asked that I stay here? What if he made a way for my new home to be in Chennai? This is a realistic thought too. He gave me a green light for 6 months but he only shows me just enough of the picture so I'll trust in him and the rest he keeps for a little surprise later. So in my thinking on this I am able to say with a large percentage of certainty; yes, I could stay here and make India my home. Compared to my thoughts on this a week ago, this is a freaking miracle! There was no way that I could think about staying here another second, but it seems the air has changed. I know that in order for this to be the case, he has to have something up his sleeve for me to do. There is something here for me to take on and to learn from. He wouldn't ask me to stay under any other circumstances. He wouldn't place his daughter in a strange land and leave her empty handed. He doesn't work that way. He would have to show me that I have a purpose here and a reason to stay. If nothing were to change, I have no reason to stay. When August comes, I will have no reason to think that I would need to come back because I have nothing rooted here. But God can change that and provide a reason for me to stay or something to come back to. I don't know what it is or what it could be but I know that something is in the air and I'm waiting to see what he does. How knows what he's up to.
Some more things I have learned about Chennai.
-The auto driver will tell you to get out in the middle of the route if he doesn't think you're paying him enough.
-This is when you learn to pick your battles. And this was one I chose not to fight. Not over 5 cents my friend!
-The weirdest flavor of chips ever can indeed be found here! Mint? Really?
-Baskin Robbins is heaven on earth!
-The mosquito population has increased and found out where I lived!
-I will freak out when discovering a giant roach is sitting next to my head in the car.
-I will also climb out of any open car door to get away from said roach!!
-Eating with your fingers gets old...quick.
-Indian commercials are hysterical!
-Cricket is an interesting game and I DO NOT have the attention span to endure it. One match is 5 days long @ 6 hours a day?! Really?
-Laundry is an entire days work and I miss dryers!
-Wear shoes when hanging the laundry! My white feet are pretty sure you're asking them to walk on hot coals!
-Air conditioning is among the best inventions ever made by man!
-The security guy who blows his whistle and bangs his stick at 3AM is really doing it for your protection. Not to wake you up! Apparently.
-Finally...you do actually pray for rain and you can get too much of a good thing!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Roller coaster!
So I've been in Chennai a little more than a week. It seems so much longer than that! I've had some really good days and I've had some not so good days. It's all a major learning curve and sometimes I feel like I'm so far from catching it. I've had thoughts of coming home just for something familiar and comfortable. I actually miss wearing jeans and not have them stick to every part of your body. And this is only February. I think all in all I'm doing OK. I'm not great at getting around by myself pretty much because I doubt my ability to communicate to the auto drivers where I want to go. Yes, this is something that I will have to get over and it causes a lot of frustration for myself. I would like very much to just be able to talk with them but this is not the case.
I'm also horrible at taking pictures of the people I'm with. Sorry! I'm just trying to get adjusted and this means that I often forget my camera at home. I will get better I promise. As soon as I get into my permanent home I will make sure to take some pictures.
As far as getting involved in the ministries here, it's slow going. Right now the Dark Is Beautiful campaign is taking so much time that everything else is falling to the wayside. I'm hoping that I'll be able to start mentoring some girls in the next month or so. I wish it were sooner but I need to be realistic about my expectations. I think that meeting with some of the young girls would be the best way to use my gifts but it all depends on if they want it.
I have met some really great people here and I'm super thankful for that. The people I'm staying with, Steven and Rebekah, (who I want to call Jason and Jennifer and they call me Sally. It's great.) are wonderful! They've made me feel right at home and made the transition easy. I've met some great people at Powerhouse Church that I look forward to getting to know better. Once things slow down a little bit maybe there will be more time for socializing. Maybe.
Yesterday I decided that I would walk to the Powerhouse offices just to see if I could. It felt great to be able to be a little more independent and to be in the streets. It was a little frightening trying to cross some of the busier streets. It's not like in the US at all! There are crosswalks here but you may die if you stand the way of the drivers trying to make u-turns. So I went with the flow and watched what some of the other people were doing and this meant that you stood in the middle of the intersection! Cars flying by you on both sides like it's no big deal. Once I made it to the other side and on a less busy street, I just strolled along like I belonged there. I of course, was the one to watch by every passerby due to the color of my skin. One my walk I had to cross the small river/stream that semi-flows through the city. It's almost neon green in color and the odor that permeates from this stream is toxic! I almost lost it while crossing the river but I picked up the pace a little and held my breath as best I could. Sweet baby Jesus! It was nas-ty!! It took me about 30 mins and by the time I made it to the office I was drenched in sweat! And I can't begin to tell you what the bottoms of my feet looked like! Needless to say, my walking long distances in Chennai are done. No one needs to do that more than once. Really.
And the mosquitos LOVE me! I wake up with new ones every day. It's so special!
All in all, India and I are trying to get along. Sometimes I win and sometimes She wins.
I'm also horrible at taking pictures of the people I'm with. Sorry! I'm just trying to get adjusted and this means that I often forget my camera at home. I will get better I promise. As soon as I get into my permanent home I will make sure to take some pictures.
As far as getting involved in the ministries here, it's slow going. Right now the Dark Is Beautiful campaign is taking so much time that everything else is falling to the wayside. I'm hoping that I'll be able to start mentoring some girls in the next month or so. I wish it were sooner but I need to be realistic about my expectations. I think that meeting with some of the young girls would be the best way to use my gifts but it all depends on if they want it.
I have met some really great people here and I'm super thankful for that. The people I'm staying with, Steven and Rebekah, (who I want to call Jason and Jennifer and they call me Sally. It's great.) are wonderful! They've made me feel right at home and made the transition easy. I've met some great people at Powerhouse Church that I look forward to getting to know better. Once things slow down a little bit maybe there will be more time for socializing. Maybe.
Yesterday I decided that I would walk to the Powerhouse offices just to see if I could. It felt great to be able to be a little more independent and to be in the streets. It was a little frightening trying to cross some of the busier streets. It's not like in the US at all! There are crosswalks here but you may die if you stand the way of the drivers trying to make u-turns. So I went with the flow and watched what some of the other people were doing and this meant that you stood in the middle of the intersection! Cars flying by you on both sides like it's no big deal. Once I made it to the other side and on a less busy street, I just strolled along like I belonged there. I of course, was the one to watch by every passerby due to the color of my skin. One my walk I had to cross the small river/stream that semi-flows through the city. It's almost neon green in color and the odor that permeates from this stream is toxic! I almost lost it while crossing the river but I picked up the pace a little and held my breath as best I could. Sweet baby Jesus! It was nas-ty!! It took me about 30 mins and by the time I made it to the office I was drenched in sweat! And I can't begin to tell you what the bottoms of my feet looked like! Needless to say, my walking long distances in Chennai are done. No one needs to do that more than once. Really.
And the mosquitos LOVE me! I wake up with new ones every day. It's so special!
All in all, India and I are trying to get along. Sometimes I win and sometimes She wins.
Friday, February 20, 2009
13 things! :)
Here are a few things I've learned about life in Chennai.
1) Eating with your hand does require a lot of skill.
2) Your thumb can be used as mini shovel in this eating process.
3) You will make a mess!
4) It's super fun to eat with your hands and not be looked at like your "special"
5) March-May are going to be hot and miserable! Oh what fun!
6) You get used to having a fine layer of dirt on your skin at all times.
7) I have developed an art at killing little "shower buddies" They all find themselves from which they came. The drain!
8) Flip flops in February are FANTASTIC!!!
9) Dirty feet...all the time!
1o) I have lost count of how many mosquito bites I have acquired. Those suckers are vicious!!!
11) The auto-rick driver will stop in the middle of the road if doesn't think that you're paying him enough. Um, fun!
12) No one else on the road seemed to notice that we just stopped. They all just went around us like we were a cow in the road.
13) High powered fans are DA BOMB!!!
1) Eating with your hand does require a lot of skill.
2) Your thumb can be used as mini shovel in this eating process.
3) You will make a mess!
4) It's super fun to eat with your hands and not be looked at like your "special"
5) March-May are going to be hot and miserable! Oh what fun!
6) You get used to having a fine layer of dirt on your skin at all times.
7) I have developed an art at killing little "shower buddies" They all find themselves from which they came. The drain!
8) Flip flops in February are FANTASTIC!!!
9) Dirty feet...all the time!
1o) I have lost count of how many mosquito bites I have acquired. Those suckers are vicious!!!
11) The auto-rick driver will stop in the middle of the road if doesn't think that you're paying him enough. Um, fun!
12) No one else on the road seemed to notice that we just stopped. They all just went around us like we were a cow in the road.
13) High powered fans are DA BOMB!!!
Frustration
Today was the first day that I felt a little frustrated with myself being in a different culture. I find myself wondering if I should have thought all of this through a little more before I jumped on a plane. This is only based on my not being able to be as independant as I'm used to being. I can't get around by myself yet because I know nothing about where to go or how to get there. English is common but with the auto-rick driver's, it isn't always understood. It's hard for me to depend on people to help me get around and get things. It's something that I will have to get used to because I have no other option.
The way they communicate among themslves is so different than what I'm used to as an American. I was at a small group the other night, jet lagged out of my mind, and I had a hard time participating because I could follow the pace they were going at. Once I figured out how the flow of the study I was a little better but frustrated with myself that I wasn't able to contribute anything. I'm hoping that next week is better.
I guess you can call this culture shock. I don't know if that's what it is, but I feel a little bit like a fish out of water. It's frustrating but I also know that I've been here 4 days and it's going to take a lot longer for me to be able to feel as though I'm somewhat comfortable. It's just as simple as me giving this over every day and taking one step at a time and being patient with myself. I need to give myself the benefit of the doubt and relax a little. It's not all going to happen over night and I'm going to make some huge mistakes on the way.
The way they communicate among themslves is so different than what I'm used to as an American. I was at a small group the other night, jet lagged out of my mind, and I had a hard time participating because I could follow the pace they were going at. Once I figured out how the flow of the study I was a little better but frustrated with myself that I wasn't able to contribute anything. I'm hoping that next week is better.
I guess you can call this culture shock. I don't know if that's what it is, but I feel a little bit like a fish out of water. It's frustrating but I also know that I've been here 4 days and it's going to take a lot longer for me to be able to feel as though I'm somewhat comfortable. It's just as simple as me giving this over every day and taking one step at a time and being patient with myself. I need to give myself the benefit of the doubt and relax a little. It's not all going to happen over night and I'm going to make some huge mistakes on the way.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Welcome to Chennai!
Here I am! I have arrived in one piece and all went great! The flights were easy but long! I forgot how hard it is to be on a plane for that many hours all at the same time. They should really knock people out for those things! I got in about 12AM Tuesday and made it my lovely bed around 2AM. I didn't sleep much right away and after I was up for a few hours, I went back to bed and slept all day long. I was woken up @ 6PM to go to dinner. I had been asleep since 8AM!! To say the least, I wasn't able to sleep last night at all and to my surprise I'm not tired now.
I love my temporary host family! They are a young YWAM couple from Ohio with a little 2 year old girl Gloryanna. Rebecca and Steven are wonderful!! They're sarcastic and witty. Right up my alley! I'm not drama and Rebecca likes that a lot! She's also happy that I'm not one of those pretentious Christians and I know how to have a little fun. This is how I know there is a God! :)
Not much has happened in these first 2 days. Sleep and eat just like a baby! I've been around the city a little bit but not too much. I have a lot of time to do that!
I have been talking with Kavita about the Dark is Beautiful campaign that WOW is launching in March. Check it out!!! I am privileged enough to be able to participate with them in this fantastic women's equality campaign and I couldn't be more excited. There has been a lot of press around the conference and we are praying for a great turn out. Keep it in your prayers! This is huge for Chennai and many many more women are effected than what we realize.
There has also been some talk about my mentoring young women at a few of the "tech" colleges and I'm looking forward to exploring that as well. As many of you know, that is where my heart truly lies and so the opportunity to give of myself in this way is overwhelming! Soon I'll have more details on that.
This really is a dream come true for me! I cried when I stepped into the airport that early Tuesday morning. This is real and every day I wake up and it's real. I'm in India and it feels like it was meant to be.
Again, I am blessed. So so blessed!
I love my temporary host family! They are a young YWAM couple from Ohio with a little 2 year old girl Gloryanna. Rebecca and Steven are wonderful!! They're sarcastic and witty. Right up my alley! I'm not drama and Rebecca likes that a lot! She's also happy that I'm not one of those pretentious Christians and I know how to have a little fun. This is how I know there is a God! :)
Not much has happened in these first 2 days. Sleep and eat just like a baby! I've been around the city a little bit but not too much. I have a lot of time to do that!
I have been talking with Kavita about the Dark is Beautiful campaign that WOW is launching in March. Check it out!!! I am privileged enough to be able to participate with them in this fantastic women's equality campaign and I couldn't be more excited. There has been a lot of press around the conference and we are praying for a great turn out. Keep it in your prayers! This is huge for Chennai and many many more women are effected than what we realize.
There has also been some talk about my mentoring young women at a few of the "tech" colleges and I'm looking forward to exploring that as well. As many of you know, that is where my heart truly lies and so the opportunity to give of myself in this way is overwhelming! Soon I'll have more details on that.
This really is a dream come true for me! I cried when I stepped into the airport that early Tuesday morning. This is real and every day I wake up and it's real. I'm in India and it feels like it was meant to be.
Again, I am blessed. So so blessed!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Time to Go
So today's it. Today I get on a plane and fly to Chennai. I'm SO nervous! Everything in me is trying not to throw up or pass out. It's great! I wish that I wasn't so nervous about all of this and I'm sure that I'll be alright once I land and see that it was smooth sailing. I just anticipate the worst and expect it to be a little more difficult that it may be. I'm praying for the most easy going flights ever. Can't I just pass out and wake up in Chennai? Wouldn't that be the easiest? I think.
So this is it for a few days. I'll post again when I have landed in Chennai and have somewhat gotten over the jet lag. Keep me in your prayers and write me!
Love you all!
Sandi
So this is it for a few days. I'll post again when I have landed in Chennai and have somewhat gotten over the jet lag. Keep me in your prayers and write me!
Love you all!
Sandi
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